10,9,8,…

I’ve been having a hell of a time coming up with anything to talk about lately, so here’s a little meme I stole from DrPepper is Good 4 the Soul.

Ten movies you’d watch over and over:
1. Knocked Up
2. Superbad
3. Back to the Future 1 & 2
4. Star Wars: A New Hope
5. Dazed & Confused
6. Batman: The Dark Knight
7. Any Harry Potter movie
8. Edward Scissorhands
9. Blow
10. Rounders

Nine people you enjoy the company of:
1. Dad
2. Matt
3. Lauren
4. Grandparents
5. Scott
6. Lou
7. Aunt Jaye
8. Grant

9. Uncle Dahl

10. Jonathan

Eight things you’re wearing:
1. Boxers

2. Shorts

Seven things on your mind:
1. My neck hurts
2. I need to find a woman
3. I’m bored
4. Do I want to watch a movie or play PS3?
5. I’m horny.
6. Only a few days till I go see my bro in NYC
7. Work fucking sucks

Six objects you touch every day:
1. My computer at work
2. My computer at home
3. My wang
4. My Cellular phone
5. My wang
6. My couch

Five things you do everyday:
1. Breathe
2. Shower
3. Masturbate
4. Watch TV
5. Play with my dog

Four things that you see when you turn your head to the right:
1. Oven
2. Fridge
3. Couch
4.Speakers

Three of your favorite things that are red color:
1. Chicago Bulls Uniforms
2. Cherokee Red
3. The light behind the net when the Pens score

Two people who have influenced your life the most:
1. Mom
2. Dad

One person who has been nice to you today:
1. Dan

The Farting Preacher

Gym Class Heroes w/ Cookie Jar

He sings some of the dumbest songs but I always love listening to The Dream. Him and the Gym Class Heroes make a pretty catchy tune here. Take me word for it when I say this song sounds much better when it’s played on a good system and not off of youtube on some shitty PC speakers.

Is this team better than the Dream Team?

That’s what Dan Wetzel of Yahoo Sports asked. Personally, I didn’t even read the column. It’s such a stupid question, but if you’d like go ahead and click here to get his opinion.

I don’t care what kind of semantics or logic you want to apply to this question, there is only one answer. Is the Redeem Team better than the Dream Team? Fuck no. End of story.

It’s not even the right time to be asking this question. Come back in 4 years when Wade, ‘Melo, King James, Chris Paul, Dwight Howard…hell, just about the whole team reaches their NBA Prime. Maybe then I’ll give the idea a little consideration. With that said, 4 years from now there will still be nobody named Michael Jordan on that team and as far as I’m concerned, that’s all that really matters.

LONG LIVE MJ!!!

Paramore w/ That’s what you get

I really, really, really like this song.  For being such a small girl the singer can belt it out. When I was back home in the ‘burgh I fell asleep on the floor watching music videos. This video came on at 4:30am, I awoke out of my slumber, sang along and then I made my way upstairs to my bedroom. But not until I was done jamming to this song.

My brother plays bass and has been in a band or two in his day. I told him if he ever starts a band of his own again he needs to find a girl lead singer. I don’t know what it is, but girls and rock make for a good combo.

To be honest, you deserved much worse…

First of all, let me apologize for the lack of posting going on around here lately. I went back to the ‘burgh for a long weekend, caught a little cold while I was there and haven’t felt like posting since I got back. It was a good trip home. I got to see all of my friends, all of my family, party at WVU, and we raised almost 22 G’s for the American Cancer Society while I was there.

This post has nothing to do with any of that. In fact, this post has to do with a little conversation I had last night while I was online. I haven’t really gone into too much detail as to what happened with my ex or why it all ended. I figure it didn’t really matter and really it doesn’t deserve the effort it takes to type it all down. With that said I guess I need to paint a picture for this post to give the full effect of what’s going on. So without further adieu, here is the abbreviated version of the rise and fall of my relationship. I think I might even do it bullet style.

• August 2004 we meet at college
• September 2004 we become an official couple
• September 2004 - August 2005 we spend pretty much every single second together and all is grand
• August 2005 we move away from home to Baltimore and move in together to attend grad school
• August 2005 - December 2006 things go as well as you could expect and we continue to live together
• December 2006 I find out she cheated on me while she was home in Pittsburgh. We decide to work through it.
• December 2006 - February 2008 we go through a lot of ups and downs. Some days are good, some are great, some are terrible, but most are just so-so.
• March 2008 - I catch her talking on the phone with some other dude and she freaks out leading me to think something is going on although I never press the issue to find the truth.
• April 2008 - She moves out

Okay, so there you go. Three years of my life broken down into 9 bullets. If you ask me I was pretty much a saint during this whole entire relationship. She cheated on me, lied to me, bad mouthed me and my family, and actually would pretend to punch me when she got mad enough.

For whatever reason I loved her and ignored A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT of her shit. I guess when she wasn’t psycho she was pretty funny and there was probably another reason or two I liked her, though I can’t think of any now.

When the cheating fiasco took place it sucked. When you cheat on someone it’s like a death takes place. Whatever I thought “we were” wasn’t real. The love that I thought I had. The person I thought I knew. All of that was fake. That’s a hard pill to swallow.

But I did…in one day. When you love someone, even when they wrong you like that, it’s very hard to up and dismiss them out of your life. And I couldn’t. In the back of my mind I knew I’d forgive her so instead of throwing myself a pity party and bitching and moaning I forgave the next day and said let’s move on.

Whether or not that was the right move is beside the point. All I asked is that she work with me to be the best couple we can be, and above all NEVER LIE TO ME AGAIN. If there is one thing I hate it’s lying. I never ever lie and I expect that to be returned. I also told her if she didn’t want to be with me…leave. Don’t give me that I didn’t want to hurt you bull shit and drag it out if you really don’t want to be here. I’m a big boy. I’ll live.

Well, after that we tried to get back to normal. There is no normal after cheating occurs. That little decision she made one night lingered around in the back of my head everyday, though I never brought it up to her or let on how much it really fucked with my mind.

I can say with 100% confidence I put everything into our relationship and making it last. I can remember taking time at work to write down little ideas of things we could to have more fun together and ways for us to understand each other better. I’d read them off to her and she’d either ignore them or give it a half-assed effort. That hurt, but I’d ignore it and keep trying.

So like I said, eventually the shit hit the fan once again. I noticed her taking all her phone calls outside all of the sudden and general douchebaggery taking place. But I always do my best not to overreact and be jealous so I ignored it but kept my eyes open. One night it’s like 8:30 and she’s in bed which is earlier than she normally goes to bed. Whatever, she woke up everyday at 5 am and she was tired. About 15 minutes after she’s in bed I decide to feed the dog. Well, I keep his food in a closet that is next to the bedroom door. While I was back there I couldn’t help but notice hearing her voice. And not just a regular voice, her “flirty voice”.

Well, I can’t ignore it any longer. I wasn’t about to overreact and bust in there yelling. All I did was walk in the room without saying a word and she freaked the fuck out. That told me everything I needed to know so I bent down, picked up my Homer Simpson slipper and threw at her face. From that point on pretty much nothing but screaming took place in this apartment until the day she moved out.

If you’re still reading you’ve finally reached the point of this post. Everything up until now was just to paint the picture of what I went through.

Yesterday she messaged me while I was online. Mind you, I never make an effort to talk to her. I don’t call her. I don’t text her. And I don’t IM her. With that said, if she calls or IM”s I’ll talk back if I’m feeling bored enough. Lately, I’ve noticed she’s calling me and messaging me A LOT. Not everyday, but enough to make me wonder what the hell she’s thinking.

Last night the conversation is basic. How’s it going? How was your trip home? That type of shit. Eventually it leads to this little back and forth:

Her: You deserve a nice girl.

Me: Indeed I do.

Her: Even though you did some asshole things you are a still a nice guy.

Me: I think pretty much everything I ever said or did to you was warranted

Her: Except for spitting in my face…

Her: Don’t do that to someone else.

Me: To be honest, I think you deserved a lot worse

Her: Oh yeah?

And that’s where the conversation stopped. It pissed me off. Do I regularly spit in people’s face? No. I never did it before and I’ll probably never do it again. I also don’t feel bad or wrong for doing it that one time though. After I found her talking to that other guy, as I mentioned there was pretty much constant fighting. I had no patience for her shit and I no longer put up with it. If she was being a pain in the ass I let her know it and she didn’t like that. One day she decided to get up in my face and scream at me. Her nose was literally in my mouth. I lost my cool and spit in her face. At the time I figured if she wanted to be so up close and personal with me I’d take it to a whole new level for her.

So that’s the story really. It pissed me off that I put up with so much for so long, forgave her for doing the ultimate no no, listened to her talk down about me, bad mouth my family, and attempt to embarrass me in front of other people. I lose my cool for a split second and she acts like I’m the asshole.

I could have done a lot of different things. I could have yelled at her, dumped her, bad mouthed her, dismissed her, or what seems to be the natural act of revenge…cheat back. But you know what? I never did any of that. I thought about it all the time. I was on the fence a time or two but I’d always ask myself what kind of guy I wanted to be, and at the end of the day I always kept my integrity. And after all that she had the nerve to question my character? No thank you.

Whew! I think that’s my longest post ever…but I needed to get that off my chest.

Have you ever met someone worthwhile at a bar?

If there is one thing I learned from Superbad it’s that you don’t want to meet women at a bar. Actually, I’ve heard that said by many people and I’ve come to the same conclusion after 5 years of bar hopping and absolutely nothing good coming out of it. And yet, when I lay around and think about places I can go to meet a girl, the bar/club is always the first place that pops in my head.

I know I’m not the only person who feels this way. I don’t know one of my friends who has met a girl there so why does this seem like the first place I should look for some sweet vag? Seriously, I haven’t met one girl at a bar/club that I talked to beyond that night. You would think in 5 years that at least one of the females I talked to would be worth a phone call. Nope.

Have any of you ever met someone at a bar/club and it turned into a legit relationship…romantic or otherwise (not including fuck buddy)?

Here’s the latest version of the type of shit I get into at a bar. A couple months ago my friends came up to visit. It was a Friday and they weren’t supposed to get down here until around 9pm. Cool. Since they had a long drive and it was kind of late I figured we’d just drink some beer and watch some hockey when they got down here.

Well, they took forever and a day to get here so I killed a few beers while I was waiting. Finally, they get to my place at like 10:30. All the sudden they start pounding the beer like it’s water. The conversation starts flowing and before you know it there’s no more beer. It wasn’t even an intentional splurge. We were talking and laughing so much, nobody was even paying attention to how much we beer was going down the hatchet.

Finally, it’s midnight and I tell them we’re going to the bar. Luckily, there is a bar I can walk to so we didn’t have to drive. During the walk there the beer had time to do it’s magic and I become fully Funkdafied like Da Brat and Jermain Dupri.

We get to the bar and walk over to the corner and take our seat. There’s a band playing so there is a decent crowd with a good mix of young and middle aged people. Well, I’m full of liquid courage so I just start trying to talk to every single girl that comes next to me. “Hey, do you come here often? Do they usually get pretty good crowds?” Most of them would give me an answer and then run off to their friends. Whatever. My batting average with women is Michal Jordan Birmingham Baronesque (.202). In other words I’ve got no game.

Eventually, some woman walks up next to me and I honestly don’t know what took place. I don’t know if I just smiled at her or said something slick like “you have big tits” or what I did. I might have even gone Jack Nicholson as the Joker style and asked her if she’s ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light. I don’t know. I do know she told me “if you want me come over to my table”.

Well, I didn’t feel like fucking moving so I stayed my ass right where I was and was content bull shitting with my friends. I don’t even think it was 5 minutes before this woman comes back over and without a word she grabs my hand, smiles at me, and leads me on to the dance floor. Great. I’m tanked and there are 3 people on the dance floor. Oh well, I stood there and attempted to dance but I probably looked more like a Manatee with muscular dystrophy than anything.

FINALLY, we get to sit down. Even drunk I don’t want the whole bar watching me seizure on the dance floor. I still really haven’t said anything to her but I decide “Douglas, you haven’t touched a girl in like a month. Go for it”. So I do And we’re kissing and life is grand. This was the first time I had the chance to “let loose” since my infamous breakup and I was going for it. After about 5 minutes I figured it’d be a good time to officially say something to the person I’m kissing. I ask what her name is and then proceed to call her something different the rest of the night. I also decide to ask her how old she is.

“How old are you?”

“A little older than you are honey.”

“I figured that. So how old are you?”

“46″

“What? No, way. I’m a lot younger than you.”

“I’m not older than your mother am I?”

I tell her no. Although she was cutting it kind of close. If my mom were still alive she’d be 48. I figure now would be a good time to slide on out of there. I do just that and proceed to get made fun of by my friends the rest of the night.

But that’s the kind of shit I get into at a bar. The beer googles come out and I make some pretty unwise decisions. Even when I don’t get hammered nothing good has ever come out of it. Tell me I’m not the only one.

Lupe Fiasco w/ Hurt Me Soul

He says he’s done after his next album. I sure as hell hope not…

The Return of Slam Dizzle…

Sort of. No, I’m not stopping this blog to go back to Slam Dizzle. However, I did take the time to import a lot of the old stuff I wrote over there. For those of you who only know me as Hierophant4582, I used to go by the name Sexual T-Rex and you can find some of the gems of my old blog in the archives. Every post from August 2007 through January 2008 came from the old blog.

Now that I have time to look back on it, that blog was the shit and I kind of miss it. I have trouble with my focus on blogs. I can never figure out exactly what my blog is and it usually turns into a jumbled mess, I get frustrated with it, and then I quit. I’m trying to avoid that this time around.

Anyways, check out some of my older shit if you’d like.

The Next Justin Timberlake

Last night I had a hankering for some NSYNC. Why? Because I was an unabashed fan of “boy bands” (although I hate that fucking phrase) and I was watching Justin Timberlake’s HBO concert thing and it got me thinking about them.

Well, there was one song in particular I always liked of theirs. Say what you will about groups like this, but singing acapella is one of the most impressive musical talents there is. Anyways, I wanted to listen to “I though she knew”. Take a listen to this video. The start singing around around the 2:45 mark.

So, you get that point right. You might not like it, but they were good at what they did. Well, when I was looking for videos of this song, I ran across this kid doing his version.

What can I say? This dude is fucking amazing isn’t he?

In all seriousness this kid is awful. And the worst part is that this isn’t just one video out there of his. He has like 70 videos of himself destroying songs and he actually thinks he has a potential career ahead of him.

Now I don’t have an awesome basement studio with an old treadmill like he does to hone my skills in, but I guarantee you I can sing better than this kid. The difference is that I know I suck. If I ever get a camera I’ll prove it. But what the hell…it’s still fun watching him take himself so seriously yet suck so amazingly bad.

Click here to watch him butcher song after song.